Fist Fight

So today I got in a physical conflict with an individual while shopping for water at 7-11. I was grabbing some water from the fridge, and he leaned over me and grabbed another bottle of water. I told him, "Dude, six feet."

He sighed and said, "I’m wearing a mask. I just wanted to grab water real quick."

He went to the checkout, and I went later on to pay as well, with his register furthest from the door. So, as he checked out, he leaned into my face and said, "I’m really sorry about that. I just wanted to grab some water. You need to take a chill pill though. I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m wearing a mask." All said while getting closer and hovering face to face.

I was like, "You’re actively leaning into my space."

So he stayed there, leaning in more, while apologizing.

I put my foot out and, to me, I tapped him. "You shouldn’t be close enough for me to reach you," I said. Thing was that he was turning away at that point.

He began yelling assault. How it was on camera. How dumb I had to be. And yes, it was on camera, and yes, he is correct. Touching anyone at all with any amount of force is assault, and I recognize that. To me, leaning and yelling in my face in the middle of a pandemic is a form of assault, but the law technically would be on his side for sure. I’m sure if the footage were revealed, anyone would see that there was about as much force as he had inflicted brushing me while leaning over me.

So he continued shouting assault, and he called the police, telling me that he was gonna have me thrown in jail.

I paid for my bill, and because we were in front of the only entrance and exit, I said, "can’t we wait outside?"

He said, "No, you’re staying here."

"I’m not going anywhere. I have no problem waiting for the cops, but can we wait outside so that we’re not in the way?" I said.

"You’ll have to get through me, first," he said, while literally standing and blocking the only entrance into the 7-11.

So, I stood there and waited as people piled up, and finally a Pepsi cart delivery man had to get through and he moved.

At this point we stepped outside, and he started verbally berating me. Calling me the, "dumbest fuck he’s ever seen. You’re so going to jail. You’re a short, skinny Asian twig. I could snap you in two you fucking pussy." Meanwhile, he keeps getting in my face and tried to escalate, making statements about me that I never said or suggested like, "You want to fight? What are you going to do to me? You’re like 30 pounds smaller than me."

If you know me, you know that I tend to say very little until I’ve thought through things, so most of this was his monologue as he continued to provoke.

But when he said, "You kicked me and I have a bad back."

I said, "Don’t pull that on me and pretend to be hurt. I’m a doctor."

"Where did you get your degree, Naropa? They just handing degrees out now? You’ve got to be the dumbest fucking doctor in existence. I’d hate to be your patient."

"I have a wait list clinic so I couldn’t take you."

And on and on.

As he physically continued to push into me no matter where I stepped, I figured I should probably record in case anything happened.

Knowing my rights, I did, but it was on the wrong settings (low res), so I switched to higher res (I'm explaining the scene cut). He got very angry, saying that I didn’t have permission to record him. In the US, you can record in any public space. I know this as a photographer, and also, I told him that it was legal, for example, at any black lives matter protest. He grabbed my phone and threw it into a construction zone.

Then he slugged me in the face. I turned so that I think it’s only a slice on the inside of my cheek, but that led to an extended physical confrontation. I figured that since I touched him first, they would blame me if it escalated, so I spent most of the time backing away for distance, but not enough to encourage him to pursue.

I'm very familiar with combat spacing, and I definitely don't feel any fear or concern being in any fight aside from legal ramifications. I did not swing once.

"What is this, kung fu shit?" he said. I think he was trying to mock me? I wasn’t sure. To be clear, I wasn't doing anything dramatic or excessive. He continued to threaten me. I never once responded with a verbal or physical gesture or threat through our entire discourse.

I retrieved the phone by jumping over the head height fence of the construction zone and found my phone before jumping right back (in one jump without touching the top, because I knew he was watching me) and waiting for the police with him, all the while while still dealing with provocation.

I did get a witness to say that he saw me get punched, first.

When the police came, I explained my perspective, and of course he did with his statements of having a bad back (with demo). That’s when I told the police that I’m a chiropractor.

If he has a bad back, enough so that a literal tap on it could hurt him (or even a solid kick), then he wouldn’t have been able to bend over me to begin with and pick something up, much less fight me and chase after me like that. Bending and twisting is the most vulnerable position, after all (no, I didn’t explain all this, but you can see where my mind went).

While explaining to the police, he tore his plastic bag and spilled his purchases on the street. He gestured at the bag and yelled across the parking lot, "Thanks a lot!"

I was confused by what I had to do with his bag spilling.

At one point, the police had to shush him for speaking at me.

Anyway, they figured it was even. I didn’t honestly care. It’s too much hassle to worry about court, and again, I touched him first. They’ll rule against me, or at most, rule equally after a bunch of useless debates.

No charges were pressed.

Afterwards, in case we ran into each other again being in the same neighborhood, we talked. He opened with, "I’m sorry I punched you. But you kicked me first. Can you man up and apologize?" He continued with that similar sorry not sorry monologue. I wondered if he had a partner, because I was certain they would know exactly what I’m talking about.

"Why won’t you apologize? Man up!" he said. "You ruined my fucking day, thanks a lot. Just man up and apologize. I apologized; you should too. Why won't you apologize? I hit you, you kicked me, we're even. Apologize. Just say, 'I'm sorry.' Man up!"

Literally, just like that for minutes without giving space for me to speak.

"What does being a man have to do with anything?" I said, finally.

"Oh, I didn’t know you identified as a woman. These days, you never know. Looking at you, I assumed you were a man."

I said, "That has nothing to do with this conversation."

"Why won’t you apologize?"

"I agree that we could run into each other again, and so we shoul—"

"Why won’t you say sorry? I said I’m sorry, why won’t you? It’s all you have to do."

"I haven’t even finished a senten—"

This legit went on and on for like ten minutes until I just stopped trying.

What am I feeling, now? Frustrated. There were so many thoughts to the things he was saying and doing that I simply couldn’t explain or communicate. Covid, social distancing from the people around us, legal rights, video footage, covid, racist and sexist comments, defense, de-escalation, my clinic and license, how annoying this was, etc.

Do I need to cancel my patients, two weeks away, now? I've been in quarantine, and with his actions, it's technically no longer quarantine (I space 5 week chunks of self quarantine between patients and insist on their quarantine or significant risk mitigation prior to treatment in order to reduce risk). If I cancel, I feel bad for my patients, so is two weeks enough, still?

It was hard to know the best action for what would do the least damage. I didn’t even feel angry. It was like a puzzle that was changing too quickly to strategize.

And no, I’m not in any significant pain. I’ll verify tomorrow, but I don’t think any real trauma occurred. I need to check the tracking of my TMJ as that’s where the impact was, but it’s only moderately sore at this point a couple hours later.

To be quite honest, the worst thing about this whole thing is that I lost my phone pen when he threw it, or if he was infectious which, based on his mannerisms, wouldn’t be a stretch.

But the best thing? The dude at the end of the video who stepped up and asked if I needed help. I really appreciated him a lot, and I see him as the hero of the story. He made me feel better, even in the midst of this.

I’m setting this to friends only. I’m not trying to escalate further, or whatever. I just felt the need to tell my side of the story because it didn’t feel like I could, before.